Loss

Sometimes, when things are quiet at school/work, I find myself looking back at some of the people who came into and left my life. Perhaps I'm being dramatic by saying "left". Drifting apart from old friends is inevitable. In most instances, it happens gradually and without much fuss; and suddenly, years later, you realise that you have lost contact with someone who was once special to you.

I struggle with this feeling. I am, for the most part, completely happy with the loved ones I have around me now. And I think that's all we can strive for really, to be completely happy for the most part; we have to save that little part of wanting, to drive us forward to achieve more. I also understand, that beautiful friendships do not have to last forever. I understand that we can appreciate how important and impactful they were to us at one point in our lives, and be perfectly happy without them in the present.

Yet I find myself mourning for these friendships and I can't quite explain why. These people are still within reach, they're easy to call up; it's just that we now lead different lives and things will never be the same. I guess sometimes I just get heavy with nostalgia. It's rather ironic. I am excited about the future, I am forward looking most of the time. I know that we are happy in our individual lives and that for some, we will still continue to stay in vague contact for years. And it's ridiculous. I don't desire a close relationship with them right now. We're adults now, too many things are different, and besides, no one has the time to rebuild so many friendships.

And yet, so many "yets". I don't know why I feel so cumbered by this loss.