Journal Day 4

So it turns out that I have been mistaken, the 30 day journal challenge includes daily prompts to address. I did not know this and have carelessly skated through the past 3 days, oops. As requested, I'll do a make-up for day 2 and start on day 4 proper as well.

Day 2: On this day, I was supposed to come up with a 6-word memoir of my life so far - which I was immediately daunted by. Hahaha, wtf a 6 word memoir???????????? I don't know if this is any good or if its truly representative but here we go:

"Missed the train, caught the bus."

Day 4: Pick a habit that you'd like to eliminate from your life. Bad habits are like armpits, we all have 'em and they all stink (......) think about the steps you'll take in order to put the kibosh on that negative habit. And again, also think about how you'll keep yourself accountable to that goal.

I think that when it comes to Sam, I sometimes lose my temper too quickly when I'm upset - especially when he doesn't seem to understand why. With anyone else, it would be much easier for me to voice my issue calmly but with him, I get set off pretty quickly if he doesn't catch on soon enough. This could also be because we have such a close relationship that there are very few social norms or etiquette that effectively bar me from going crazy without thinking about the consequences. This is tricky because when there's a lot of heat, it's highly likely that that I will explode. The cooling down method doesn't work for me either because when I have an issue, I tend to want to tackle it immediately so that I can calm myself down with a resolution. Waiting or cooling off periods generally make me antsy and even more upset - sometimes way more upset than required.

I don't know if this counts as a tangible step exactly, but I hope that in the event this happens again (who am I kidding, it definitely will lol), I'll be able to recall this exercise and remind myself to speak nicely and effectively. The thing with Sam is that sometimes when I speak nicely, he doesn't think that what I'm saying is a big deal so it's important to choose my words wisely. Perhaps I'll try to remember a couple of nice things that he did for me before going all batshit cray.

Accountability? Hmmm baby steps me thinks, I guess I will ask my trusty Kanikaaaaaa if the way I reacted/responded was justified or not.

^Okay definitely not great progress but hey at least I tried? Wink ;)