I feel like it's a touch too dramatic to say that I've been going through a hard time. To be honest, outwardly, everything is pretty great in my life right now. Save for some sickening administrative issues, I'm well on my way to embarking on a fully sponsored postgraduate degree (that's the dream really, isn't it?), I've a mostly comfortable job in the meanwhile which gives me loads of time to chill while earning enough money to save/spend/pay back debt, and things have been calm in my personal life (friends/family etc). So what the hell am I whinging about?
I'm not sure what I feel (lol what's new?). Anger // Jealousy // Betrayal // Sadness // Envy // Resignation // What? I can only conclude that this feeling is an amalgam of them all. I thought that with time, I would be less involved in my feelings about this matter (which is shrouded in mystery of course for the sake of saving my own face), but somehow I am not. I don't deserve the Internet really. I just dive into it and find things that I do not want to see, but yet so perversely seek out. I really deserve to feel everything I feel since I have no self control whatsoever.
"Maybe in a few years I'll be able to explain things better, but after a few years it probably won't matter anymore, will it?"
- Haruki Murakami
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