Ties That Bind

Every time an episode kicks off, I feel an inexplicable surge of sadness - the kind that falters and wanes, but rarely goes away. I wish I were stronger and more big hearted to be able to understand that people are people and that sometimes they're just going to push my buttons on purpose, but that it also doesn't mean that they love me less. It just means that they need my understanding, and love, and tolerance; but mannnnn does it get difficult on some days.

And I know that it's of absolutely no use to wish that someone was different. What I've learnt is that you can rarely change people, all you can do is to change yourself. But the question is also how much of yourself can you change before you're behaving like an entirely different person? And where do you place the burdens that these people put on you?

Logically, you should never give anyone who intentionally causes you distress any time of the day. But we're not talking about logic. We're talking about kinship, of blood not water, of ties that bind (sometimes too tightly). And there are different rules there. You don't cast people away because they're terrible, you understand that that part of them is loathsome, but a part of them nevertheless.

I don't want to describe certain behaviours as abuse, but they are - words can be abusive, they can inflict more hurt than anything else. I have been hurting for a long time, and just sometimes, it can get a little too hard to bear.