0147 thoughts

The elation of getting both a place in my university of choice as well as the scholarship has yet to fade and I doubt that it will for a long time. After all, both have been things that I've chased for close to 3 years and to be honest, I'm not sure if it has quite hit me yet, not properly anyway. Moreover, the course only commences in 7 months which is arguably still some time away.

Up until now, I haven't had too many concerns about relocating to another country all by myself. Perth is after all not terribly far away from Singapore, a mere 5 hours flight, and having lived in Australia before, I don't think there'll be too much of a culture shock. Tonight though, having fell into an internet hole for over 5 hours and then suddenly realising that I've been alone in my room for a long time, I suddenly felt kind of lonely and this prompted me to wonder how often those feelings would occur in my time there. If I could be lonely in my bedroom in Singapore, where my loved ones are somewhere nearby or at least within a 1 hour bus ride away, how much more intense would it feel if I were to be an ocean apart from them? It is also important to note that even though I have left home for foreign countries for months on end before, I have always had at least the company of one friend whom also served as a flatmate/room-mate; I've never made the trip completely alone before. Additionally, I would be embarking on a new field entirely. Personally, I feel that the academic rigour that I've been accustomed to has prepared me well for attacking new challenges, but the fact remains that I will be diving into fresh waters and I guess this worries me at least a little.

I think that in the recent 3-4 years, I have really come to understand myself better - how I function, work, and react in most situations. And for the most part, I think that I'll be well and happy. But I do know that I sometimes have a tendency to fall into dark places, though I'm not sure labelling these mood shifts as "dark places" is too dramatic.  I guess the only thing that's left is to wait and see. For now I'm still in limbo.

So yes, this is my word vomit for the night.