Self-fish/less

It's interesting how people can get so self involved that they convince themselves that everything they do is for the better good/the good of someone else, when really, their actions only serve themselves.  For a large part of my life, I've always been surprised at how the most lasting hurt that I've endured always came from the same source. And yet for as long as I can remember, said source has claimed to love and care for me unconditionally.

Here is where it gets tricky. That love and care is real. But during my foray into adulthood, I've come to recognise the bitterness and ugliness that can come with it. And that's a terrible thing for me to say; to criticise the hand that fed/feeds me. Especially having been brought up with traditional values and schools of thought, I have been taught that doing so would mean that I were an ungrateful and unthinking little brat. Further, I have come to realise that in such situations, the source is always convinced of its own righteousness which it then imposes on the hurting person. This influences one to believe that one may be "overreacting" or "oversensitive" to behavior that is "clearly for one's own good." Such an attitude rejects the hurt as a valid emotion and reaction, and hence impedes the healing process. As a result, hurt grows and festers. 

I'm not really sure what my point is. It is a fact that certain parts of me feel damaged by what was "good for me". It is undeniable that I have brought a lot of pent up frustration and hurt into adulthood. It is also true that I've mostly had a good and happy life. When you look at the big picture, it's difficult to condemn the entire painting for a single out of sync brushstroke. Say it this way and it makes sense. And yet, does it mean that the hurt and frustration is accounted for in this way? That somehow the 80% cancels out the 20%? 

Intuitively I know that the answer is no. Hurt is hurt. Especially deep, long lasting, uncared for, unvindicated hurt. But we've only gotten this far to ask the same question - so what? So what can be done at this point? Can we ask people who are set in their ways to change for us? Do we continue to hurt and feel more hurt out of respect and love for these people? Do we endure it because we want to or because we have to? Does the fact that the "hurt-er" is unaware,  relief the "hurt-ee's" pain by a little? 

Will we then grow up to hurt other people blindly the way we've been hurt? I hope not.