I generally don't post any live/current updates because there's usually a whole lot of backlog for me to catch up on, but today feels like as good a day as any to begin. Since we came back from our vacation, I've been keeping myself busy with trainings for my upcoming classes (I've taken on a job teaching Speech & Drama to kindy aged kids), taking care of some pups (when their owners are away, another side job), and more or less getting my bearings. I mentioned the last one because I'm still getting used to the more laid back summer plans I have, compared to the hectic work schedule I had when I was on internship.
In any case, I've always been a rather highly strung kind of person - not outwardly of course, I pretty much appear to be a cool bean to most people (or I'd like to think so). Internally though, my mind often goes into a hyperdrive in a flash; the distance between 0 and 100 to me is an eye-blink. So I thought that dialling back on my activities this summer would be nice and relaxing for me but somehow, I still managed to work myself up into a tizzy.
During my work training I had to learn songs and dances and plays so that I could teach them to the kids in preparation for a year end performance. What is strange is that I didn't feel particularly stressed out in a conscious manner, instead, I had many nights of uncomfortable sleep - because I was constantly dreaming of and "hearing/seeing" the songs and dances in my sleep. This isn't even a first time occurrence, since I was a kid, whenever I got stressed out or overstimulated by something, I would have interrupted/uncomfortable sleep. A prime example would be during exam cramming period - I would constantly dream of my notes and tables and generally toss and turn all night.
I cleared all my trainings and assessment with more or less ease but I fell terribly sick soon after. I spent 3 days confined to the house and bed (because I was drowsy all the time from medication), leaving only to feed and take care of the pups (whom I was responsible for at that time). Half a week went by in a haze. I was very lucky though, the people around me took great care of me. My sister skipped an outing to stay home with me and get me food (I was literally too weak to move too much), my dad made soothing drinks for my throat, and my boyfriend came over to hang out with me despite my constant drowsiness all weekend.
Anyway, I'm finally back on my feet again and am mostly in the clear health wise. What I initially wanted to blog about was something that happened between last night and this morning. In the same vein as my anxiety/lack-of-good-REM-sleep issue, I found that I had a terrible night's sleep. I was due to meet up with a pet owner this morning at 8am to get acquainted before he left for a business trip. I went to bed at 11pm (rather early for me) and fell asleep quickly, however, I started having intense dreams all involving one main theme - in every single one of them, I was late for the meeting. No matter how many times I woke up and tried to clear my mind, I ended up having a similar nightmare.
After the worst and most dramatic nightmare, I jolted awake at 5.39am. This time, for some strange irrational reason, I was cumbered by a new fear - I hadn't told anyone that I was doing this meet & greet, what if the pet owner wasn't really a pet owner and wanted to kill/rape me? I understand how irrational this sounds but remember, I had just woken up at 5.39am after countless "traumatic" dreams, I wasn't exactly of sound mind. This ended in me calling up my boyfriend and trembling (lol and weeping a little) as I told him how scared I was (also on hindsight, I was amazed that he even saw my call at that hour).
Okay so I wrote this ENTIRE POST, just to say that he behaved like a champ and calmly told me that he would accompany me to the meet and greet. Even though he had slept at 3am the night before, even though he had to go to work after meeting me, even though I live 1.5 hours away from him. I felt so comforted by his assurance that I finally stopped panicking.
Of course, by 7am... I was more rational and feeling extremely extremely silly. But I never felt more touched to see that cool dude early in the morning. I guess I just want to say that I want to remember the little and the large things that people do for me, the things that make my heart feel warm. I'm so thankful for being so loved :3
(Oh lord, I should stop being so ramble-y, back with more pictures next time!)
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